Northwoods Humor

Forum for discussions about Tomahawk and the Northwoods.
Deb Richardson
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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Fri Dec 17, 2010 5:46 am

TILT indeed!
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Catfish » Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:31 am

Regarding the Tilt: Now I'm sure I'm not the only sick one on here. Thanks Jeff for joining the ranks. I am surmising there are several more on board, but I only know for sure about myself, Jeff and Ken. I'd guess someone in California is going, "What, me?" Not sure, but Deb and Scout may be borderline. But you know I love you all. Wishing you all a very happy and joyous Holiday Season! Merry Christmas!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Catfish » Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:35 am

By the way, do you remember last years post about Randolf, the "Brown Nosed Reindeer"? He is Rudolf the "Red Nosed" Reindeer's cousin. He runs right behing Rudolf, real close, he can run as fast, but can't stop that quick.

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Catfish » Fri Dec 17, 2010 5:54 pm

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, fat, bearded, tattooed, trouble-making biker wearing a Harley jacket and leather pants steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in
one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the arsenic dissolve. Then some ******* shows up and drinks the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Jeff Boettcher » Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:19 pm

I'm not sick, but my wife says I'm warped.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby kmartell » Sat Dec 18, 2010 3:30 am

Jeff, have you been hanging with Catfish lately? :shock: Maybe it's cabin fever...heard you've been getting some nasty weather lately, :idea:
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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Sat Dec 18, 2010 4:14 pm

I'll probably regret this, but here goes anyway.

JOKE OF THE YEAR




Two women were sitting quietly together,

minding their own business.
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby kmartell » Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:59 pm

I find that totally offensive and sexist. Although I'm not really sure why. Maybe I just wanted to fulfill your expectations. :lol:

Actually, I don't get it !!! Are you REALLY saying that two men couldn't do the same thing ??? Is that what the hidden meaning is? There's more to this than meets the eye. :?:

Catfish, what's your take on this....are you awake yet? :wink:
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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Old Scout » Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:51 am

Fairy tale
One day, Long, Long ago........
There lived a woman who Did Not Whine, or Complain.
But this was a long time ago.......and it was just that one day.

The End
The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins.
The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Old Scout » Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:53 am

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and
drank beer and scotch whenever he wanted.

THE END
The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins.
The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:25 am

~rolls eyes, shake head wearily~
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Catfish » Sun Dec 19, 2010 2:00 pm

Kmart, you ask what my take is on that post about the two women.....quite frankly, I don't believe it ever really happened. Impossible!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:39 pm

~exhales deeply, rolls eyes, shakes head wearily~
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:40 am

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!


An elderly Floridian called 911 on his cell phone to report

that his car has been broken into. He is hysterical as he

explains his situation to the dispatcher: 'They've

stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and

even the accelerator!' he cried. The dispatcher said,

'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes

later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says.

'He got in the back-seat by mistake.'



TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Jeff Boettcher » Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:39 pm

There are Mondays when I think I'm there!
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:40 am

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday!
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Jeff Boettcher » Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:25 pm

I'm still in denial about the rest of the week.

Merry Christmas!
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Jeff Boettcher » Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:38 am

Three Minnesotans, Sven, Lars and Ole died and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained
that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he
had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get
bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had
introduced himself to Sven, he asked, "By the way, Sven, what was
your IQ when you were alive?"
"159", said Sven.
"Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of
relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you
around."
"What an exciting opportunity!", said Sven.
Einstein then introduced himself to Lars, and when he was
done he said, "Tell me, Lars - what was your IQ when you were
alive?"
"141", said Lars.
"Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a little
mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights."
"Nothing I'd like better!" was Lars's reply.
After Einstein had introduced himself to Ole, he asked, "What
was your IQ when you were alive, Ole?"
"58" said Ole.
Punching him on the arm, Einstein said, "Hey, Ole - How 'bout
them Vikings!"
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:10 am

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.
He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there,brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's butt?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... But... I've always wanted to."


There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.

Don't waste ammunition.

Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.


I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby KEN » Sun Jan 09, 2011 11:55 am

Any turkey hunters on the message board??
'
'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYfDnc42wog

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby tooten » Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:15 am

Proof that there is there is good reason for blond jokes. The media at it's best.

Deb Richardson
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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Mon Jan 10, 2011 4:38 pm

To Ken what else can I say ~shakes head wearily, rolls eyes~.
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Catfish » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:58 am

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying........"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied, "just for tonight.....let's pretend we are married."
"Wow!.....that's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied, "get your own freaking blanket."
After a moment of silence,......he farted.

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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby KEN » Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:01 am

To Deb,
I don`t think she knows a thing about turkeys, :? but I bet she knows "When The Swallows Come back to Capistrano". :shock:
'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uffn-pof ... re=related

Deb Richardson
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Re: Northwoods Humor

Postby Deb Richardson » Tue Jan 11, 2011 8:01 am

Ken, I have no idea what you mean!
Life is too short for drama & petty things!
So, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!


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