Editor’s note: This story is included in MMC’s Dignity in Care eBook, a publication dedicated to end-of-life planning and care options for individuals in need. To access the full eBook, visit www.tinyurl.com/3vrf2byu.
When Jessica Freitag-Vanderpal’s husband Eric was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2023, they did something many couples avoid: they began planning for the worst.
They completed advanced directives spelling out Eric’s wishes for end-of-life care. They established powers of attorney for healthcare and finances. They drafted wills. They purchased supplemental cancer diagnosis insurance.
Nearly a year after Eric’s death in April 2025, Jessica knows these decisions made all the difference.
“I’m glad we did it, because on top of grieving when somebody passes, trying to do all that would be so much harder,” she said. “It was hard enough just getting a death certificate and going that route.”
Planning removes the guesswork
Jessica’s professional background in Health and Human Services with Jackson County gave her insight into long-term care systems that many families lack. She understood the importance of documenting Eric’s wishes clearly and legally.
The advanced directive proved especially crucial. It clearly stated Eric’s wishes regarding resuscitation and other life-extending measures, eliminating any ambiguity about what he wanted.
“That was written right in the advanced directive,” Jessica explained. “If we don’t make these decisions, somebody is going to make the decision for you. And oftentimes, that person wouldn’t be a medical professional.”
By naming Jessica as his power of attorney for both healthcare and finances, Eric ensured that if something happened during surgery or treatment, she could act on his behalf immediately. There were no questions, no delays, no family conflicts about who had authority to make decisions.
The cost of waiting
Jessica has seen the alternative too many times through her work: people who wait too long to plan, or who avoid the conversation entirely, leave their families struggling with impossible decisions at the worst possible moment.
“Finding out about probate and all that stuff after the fact, because nobody told me anything about it – even though we have a will, technically he’s under assets, technically you’re supposed to file on probate,” she said. “These are things you don’t know until it’s too late.”
The financial planning also proved essential. The supplemental cancer diagnosis insurance they’d purchased helped offset costs during Eric’s illness. Without it, the financial stress would have compounded an absolutely devastating situation.
“Why would you want to leave somebody to make all the decisions after the fact?” Jessica asks. “Nothing should be off limits. It’s uncomfortable to talk about it, yes, but having things in line, especially when you find out from day one to a couple months later that it’s going to be terminal – what are the steps that you should make, not only for you, but for your family?”
Young people need to plan, too
Jessica stresses that end-of-life planning isn’t just for the elderly or chronically ill. Eric’s illness progressed rapidly – from diagnosis in 2023, through multiple surgeries and chemotherapy, to hospice in Nov. 2024, to his death in April 2025 at the age of 50.
“What’s the worst thing about being prepared? The worst thing is that it doesn’t happen,” she says. “But what if it does? Especially somebody that’s young, that has young children – they should have a plan.”
She acknowledges the psychological resistance many people feel, the human desire to avoid or put off thinking about our lives ending.
“I told Eric, ‘Look, if we don’t make these decisions, somebody is going to make the decision for you.’ And oftentimes that person wouldn’t be a medical professional, probably not me,” Jessica recalled. “So he had no problem with me just kind of taking the reins and making sure it all was done. I don’t know if he would have done it himself.”
Clarity provides comfort
Having Eric’s wishes documented certainly didn’t eliminate the pain of his final days; nothing can do that, but it did eliminate uncertainty. Jessica knew what he wanted. She could focus on his care rather than agonizing over whether she was making the right choices.
When Eric entered hospice care through St. Croix Hospice in Nov. 2024, the transition was smooth because the groundwork had been laid. Nurses and hospice aides provided in-home care, and staff were available on call whenever needed.
Jessica managed Eric’s care around-the-clock in their home, administering medication every hour during his final days. The experience was exhausting and heartbreaking – she was alone when he took his last breath after being awake for more than 30 hours – but she knew she was honoring his wishes to be at home rather than in a hospital.
Information is power
Part of planning ahead, Jessica emphasizes, is making sure you have complete information about prognosis and treatment options. She learned this lesson again as her own mother now battles terminal cancer in Rhinelander.
At a recent medical appointment with her mother, Jessica asked a direct question the doctor had apparently been avoiding: would the cancer be cured?
“He says, ‘Well, no, it’s not going to be cured.’ That’s the first time my mom ever had, you know, that he ever said that to her,” Jessica recalls. Her mother had been fighting for almost two years thinking a cure was possible, when in fact the cancer had metastasized from lung to brain over a year and a half ago.
“I feel like some of this is just forced and continued and continued, and people end up passing anyway, but for years of treatment, pain,” Jessica says. “At least give people all of it up front so they can make the decision.”
She strongly recommends having an advocate attend all medical appointments – someone who can hear information clearly when the patient might be too overwhelmed or focused on bad news to absorb everything doctors say.
“Always have somebody else with you, somebody impartial that understands that the decisions are yours, not to force somebody into a decision, but to make sure that they have all of the information,” Jessica advises.
Don’t leave your family guessing
Jessica has witnessed through her work how many older people have no family, no advocate, no one to make decisions on their behalf. But even in intact families, the absence of clear advance planning creates chaos and conflict at the worst possible time.
“You don’t want to be older and not with it and not understand what you’re signing. You don’t want somebody to make the decisions for you,” she said.
The documents she and Eric completed through the Aging and Disability Resource Center gave them both peace of mind. Eric knew his wishes would be followed. Jessica knew she had legal authority to act on his behalf and wouldn’t face challenges from other family members or medical institutions.
Taking control of the uncontrollable
Nearly a year after Eric’s death, as Jessica continues to grieve while also caring for her mother, she remains convinced that their advance planning was one of the most loving things they did for each other.
“There’s so much when you start out, you have no idea what questions to ask, what not to ask,” she says. “There’s no manual for end of life. It makes it hard because not only are you grieving and not thinking clearly, but nothing is laid out.”
Planning doesn’t eliminate grief or change the outcome, but it provides a roadmap when you need one most. It transforms some of the question marks into clear answers. It allows families to focus on being present with their loved one rather than scrambling to figure out legal and financial logistics.
“There’s so many things you can’t control,” Jessica observed. “At least have a little bit of control by making decisions ahead of time so it’s more clear what your wishes are.”
The paperwork didn’t make losing Eric any easier. But it did allow her to honor his wishes and focus on what mattered most in his final days: being with him.
“I wish there was a book that kind of laid out steps,” Jessica says of resources for people facing terminal illness. “Having things in line – what are the steps that you should make, not only for you, but for your family? That’s what people need to know.”
Key planning steps Jessica recommends:
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